I liked the new bedside locker, so I put a ring on it

Our landlord got us a new bed. Slept in it for the first time the other night.

It's really comfortable, and at four whole inches bigger than the last bed, provides just the required amount of extra space to stop me from whinging to my husband, thusly...

“Move over you’re taking up all the space oh my god yes you are look at how close I am to falling off the bed my arm hurts from dangling over the side I do love your cuddles but I need to sleep don’t start that passive-aggressive psychological warfare on me and you've got my pillow oh my god look at all the space on your side wait don’t go I'm sorry hey maybe we can ask the landlord for a new bed?”

To which, he agreed. Bless him.

And the landlord agreed. Bless her. (Or should I say landlady? Do we still worry about using the correct masculine or feminine pronouns for job titles, or is that so 90's?)

She also sent us an old headboard with bedside lockers that she had lying around. Great! No more our crap on a kitchen chair next to the bed. 

So, to celebrate the new bed, mattress, headboard and lockers, I made myself a cuppa and thought I’d sit up in bed and do some writing... or maybe watch another episode of Dexter, because it’s getting really exciting right now.

(When, oh when, will Dexter’s secret finally be revealed? I want him to get caught, but I don’t, know what I mean? Quandary.)

Anyway, I decided to put a folded up piece of tissue under the mug in an effort to protect the polished wooden veneer of the locker. Then I climbed into bed.

After a moment I turned around to pick up my cup of tea and the locker was soaked.

I climbed out of bed, scratching my head (well, not really, who scratches their head when they are trying to figure something out, nobody really does that. Itchy scalp, yes.)

I stood there, staring at the mess, (not scratching anything) and decided I needed a coaster for the job. What was I thinking with tissue paper? Duh!

I got a coaster and a damp tea towel to mop up the spillage. 

I wiped down the locker, placed the coaster on the locker, placed the tea on the coaster, and hopped back into bed.

Damn it, I wasn’t connected to the internet. I had to go through the whole ‘Network Diagnostics’ thingy until I got to the point where I needed to enter the password from the router, or modem, or black box recorder, or whatever it’s called, so up out of bed I got again.

Internet connected, I hopped back into bed one last time and signed into Facebook. 

Said ‘happy birthday’ to a cousin, looked at a photo someone had taken of themselves, commented on a comment my sister had left my friend about the movie ‘Duets’ (my friend didn’t like it, my sister loved it, I said I thought it was alright but that I really liked the bit at the end where the guy sings “Free bird” and shoots himself – at least that’s how I remembered it. Facebook is so random sometimes.)

Then I went to take another sip of tea, and the bedside locker was soaked again!

Arghh!!

I got up, wiped down the locker and hopped back into bed. Picked up the tea and guess what? That's right! Soaked!

Arghh!!! (I added one extra exclamation mark compared to the last 'Arghh!!' to show that I was slightly more frustrated than the previous time, a clever use of punctuation I'm sure you'll agree. Some people don't like exclamation marks. I think they tell a story all of their own!!!!!!!!!!!)

I looked at the bottom of the ceramic mug for signs of leakage. Nothing. How was the locker getting soaked? It was one mystery I was determined to solve.

I hopped out of bed to investigate.

The tea sploshed over the sides of the mug.

I sat down again, toying with a theory that was developing in my brain...

The tea spilled again.

“Ohhhh”, realisation slowly dawned on me like the sun rising slowly over a person who was slowly realising something.

The locker. The headboard. Me, hopping in and out of bed. The headboard not pushed against the wall far enough. The headboard wobbling everytime I got in and out of bed. The locker connected to the headboard. The tea….

We won't be needing you today, Mssr. Poirot.

So anyway, now I’ve ruined the brand new second-hand landlord’s bedside locker with a bloody great big tea mug ring.

It was a very eventful morning, I tells ya.

That’s not the first time I’ve ruined something I’ve only just got. In our last house I thought I’d be really diligent about cleaning (that didn’t last long) so I scrubbed the stainless steel cooker until it sparkled! Except, it didn’t sparkle, it just had scratches all over it. I’d only gone and cleaned it with a steel wool scourer! Unnghh!

“Hello? Anybody home? Think, McFly, think!”

How about yas? Ever done anything totally stupeedo? Like this other time I dropped a slice of buttered bread butter side down when I was a kid then tried to wash off the bits of dirt and then took a bite only to realise it was now soggy and totally disgusting... (by the way, I have an average IQ and two university degrees, so I'm not, y'know, technically... I don't want to say the word.)

I'm just sayin', sometimes, very rarely, I do really dumb things, that's all. Don't we all? 

That's where you come in and agree with me...