The Amazing Race, the American reality TV show where 11 teams of two couples each race around the world collecting clues, completing challenges and gradually being eliminated until only one team remains and are rewarded with one million dollars, sort of reminds me of the fleeting nature of life and the ultimate futility of mankind's endeavours, you know?
I mean, maybe I've been watching it a bit too much recently, catching up on a lot of seasons I had missed over the last couple of years on YouTube, and maybe a kind of madness has set in; seeped into my dreams...
Travel to Ifskititskistan airport. We're all gonna be on the same flight. All teams are now making their way to Hrghah. Taxi! There's no more taxis. Oh my god. Help me Jesus. TAXI! Get the clue box. Where are the other teams? I think they're behind us. There's the Blondes. Look for the marked sign. I think it's this way. My gut tells me it's this way. It's this way. I can't be around you right now. Oh my god. Help me Jesus. Oh, there it is. Read the clue. Come on baby, let's run. Why doesn't anybody speak English? Taxi! This is our taxi. TAXI! Rapido. Very fast. We're in a race. There's the brothers. Where's the clue box? Who's got a stomach for seafood? I got this. You got this. Go baby. Oh my god. Help me Jesus. I can't do this. I'm a vegetarian. YOU GOT THIS! Woo hoo! Good job! Taxi! This is our taxi. TAXI! Where's the clue box? Make your way to Zshjustikkie museum. There's the Asians. Follow them. Taxi! This is our taxi. TAXI! Go, go, very fast. We're in a race. You know, RACE? Do you know where you're going? Oh my god, he's stopping for gas. Help me Jesus. The lesbians just passed us. Detour. Sink or Swim. You got this. You so got this. Oh my god. Help me Jesus. I can't do this. I can't swim. YOU GOT THIS! Woo hoo! Good job! Taxi! This is our taxi! TAXI! There's the nerds. Come on. Go fast. You understand fast? Oh my god, why doesn't anyone speak English? Help me Jesus. This sucks! The Rednecks are ahead of us. We're lost. We're last. You never know in this game. We're not quitters. Hurry, lastteamtocheckinmaybeelimated. Okay, let's run, baby. Where's Phil? I'm sorry to tell you you have been eliminated. It's been amazing. I couldn't have run this race with anyone else. This race has taught me so much. I love you, too.
So yeah, going a bit mad there...
It's just that it makes me think how the world used to be this mysterious place, full of wonders, dangers and tales told by adventurous heroes. Everywhere but the village where you lived was far, far away. When people stepped into unfamiliar terrain it was with equal parts awe and trepidation.
Now, reality show contests whizz in and out of whole continents on a daily basis, speeding past each other, shouting and muscling their way through museums and cathedrals, crowded city streets and isolated farms, monuments and natural wonders. Some stop and look around from time to time and enjoy the ride... but most are there to prove something to themselves, to their partner, to their psychiatrist.
Look, I love the show. It's the best reality show EVER. And I can only sit back and watch these contestants climb, carry, claw and connive their way to the finish line - I would be utterly hopeless in every possible way. But it's just that, sometimes, when I think about, which is not very often, I think... what's it all about, Alfie?
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