The Amazing Race, what's it all about, eh?

The Amazing Race, the American reality TV show where 11 teams of two couples each race around the world collecting clues, completing challenges and gradually being eliminated until only one team remains and are rewarded with one million dollars, sort of reminds me of the fleeting nature of life and the ultimate futility of mankind's endeavours, you know?

I mean, maybe I've been watching it a bit too much recently, catching up on a lot of seasons I had missed over the last couple of years on YouTube, and maybe a kind of madness has set in; seeped into my dreams...

Travel to Ifskititskistan airport. We're all gonna be on the same flight. All teams are now making their way to Hrghah. Taxi! There's no more taxis. Oh my god. Help me Jesus. TAXI! Get the clue box. Where are the other teams? I think they're behind us. There's the Blondes. Look for the marked sign. I think it's this way. My gut tells me it's this way. It's this way. I can't be around you right now. Oh my god. Help me Jesus. Oh, there it is. Read the clue. Come on baby, let's run. Why doesn't anybody speak English? Taxi! This is our taxi. TAXI! Rapido. Very fast. We're in a race. There's the brothers. Where's the clue box? Who's got a stomach for seafood? I got this. You got this. Go baby. Oh my god. Help me Jesus. I can't do this. I'm a vegetarian. YOU GOT THIS! Woo hoo! Good job! Taxi! This is our taxi. TAXI! Where's the clue box? Make your way to Zshjustikkie museum. There's the Asians. Follow them. Taxi! This is our taxi. TAXI! Go, go, very fast. We're in a race. You know, RACE? Do you know where you're going? Oh my god, he's stopping for gas. Help me Jesus. The lesbians just passed us. Detour. Sink or Swim. You got this. You so got this. Oh my god. Help me Jesus. I can't do this. I can't swim. YOU GOT THIS! Woo hoo! Good job! Taxi! This is our taxi! TAXI! There's the nerds. Come on. Go fast. You understand fast? Oh my god, why doesn't anyone speak English? Help me Jesus. This sucks! The Rednecks are ahead of us. We're lost. We're last. You never know in this game. We're not quitters. Hurry, lastteamtocheckinmaybeelimated. Okay, let's run, baby. Where's Phil? I'm sorry to tell you you have been eliminated. It's been amazing. I couldn't have run this race with anyone else. This race has taught me so much. I love you, too.


So yeah, going a bit mad there...

It's just that it makes me think how the world used to be this mysterious place, full of wonders, dangers and tales told by adventurous heroes. Everywhere but the village where you lived was far, far away. When people stepped into unfamiliar terrain it was with equal parts awe and trepidation. 


Now, reality show contests whizz in and out of whole continents on a daily basis, speeding past each other, shouting and muscling their way through museums and cathedrals, crowded city streets and isolated farms, monuments and natural wonders. Some stop and look around from time to time and enjoy the ride... but most are there to prove something to themselves, to their partner, to their psychiatrist.  


Look, I love the show. It's the best reality show EVER. And I can only sit back and watch these contestants climb, carry, claw and connive their way to the finish line - I would be utterly hopeless in every possible way. But it's just that, sometimes, when I think about, which is not very often, I think... what's it all about, Alfie?

I shall put this kettle on, but I shall do no more

A poem I wrote over a year ago but still seems so relevant today...

I’m putting the kettle on,

but I shall do no more.

On earth I was not put

you to make tea for.

I’ll fill her ‘til she’s full,

I’ll even flick her switch.

But then my work is done.

I am not your tea bitch.

All the times I have slaved

with tea-bag and cup.

All the minutes spent brewing

just for a sup.

All the tea that went cold,

and tea bags that burst.

All the tea made and forgot,

and mouths left to thirst.

All the milk that went sour,

all the sugar that was spilt.

All the tea that was made

out of pity or guilt.

Oh! I have drunk from that cup,

‘tis I that’s the mug.

Now you say you want more,

I plead for mercy; you shrug:

“I made tea last time,”

you scoff gleefully.

Defeated by logic

I’m forced to agree.

So I shall put this kettle on,

but I shall do no more.

I’ll find a mug and a tea-bag,

but then it’s all yours.

By the time I’ve done this,

the kettle has boiled.

So I’ll pour in the water,

my god, you are spoiled.

Heck! Here’s milk and sugar,

sure I’ll make one for me…

Oh, will I ever do anything

but make mugs of tea? 

Imagine (2010) – looking back at how the internet has changed our lives in the last ten years

Actually, that's not all (see last post). 

So... because it’s nearly the end of the ‘noughties’ I started getting all reflective and started ‘imagining’ what life was like ten years ago. Then I ‘imagined’ that John Lennon was still alive. Then I ‘imagined’ that alternate-reality-still-alive John Lennon decided to re-release his song ‘Imagine’ only this time changing the lyrics to reflect the significant technological changes that have taken place over the last decade in order to fit this blog topic. ;)

Anyway, I ‘imagine’ (sorry) it would go a little like this…

Imagine (2010)
By S H Webb aka Sock Drawer Fiasco

Imagine there’s no YouTube
It’s easy if you try
No Facebook or Bebo
only dial-up modem useless sites

Imagine all the people
who didn’t know ‘bout your holiday in Greece

You-ooh-ooh-ooh-ohh

You may say I’m a dreamer
but I’m not the only one
who remembers life the days before we all
did friggin’ everything online

Imagine when your loved ones
were just a phone call away
Now you can poke or tweet them
even if they’re just three feet away

Imagine all the random people
who didn’t even know you existed

You-ooh-ooh-ooh-ohh

You may say you love Justin Bieber
or that you hate his f**king guts
and your stalker, your aunty and your neighbour’s dog
will give you a little green thumbs up

Imagine all the celebrities
with nowhere to Tweet
No one to spruik their chosen charity’s message to
or talk about their favourite doggy treats

Imagine all the stalkers
when they lived in peace

You-ooh-ooh-ooh-ohh

You may say you never looked up an ex
but you’d be the only one
At the very least you’ve Googled your own name
Oh my God, what have you become?

Imagine all the journalists
without the social networks
No sex tapes or Twitter updates
or Facebook pictures of missing persons

Imagine all the media
without Wikipedia

You-ooh-ooh-ooh-ohh

You may watch live streamin’
of the news around the world
See Saddam hanging and IEDs explode
and Chilean miners waving underground

Imagine no internet memes
I wonder if you can
No David after the Dentist
or Double Rainbow Guy

Imagine no fat Star Wars kid
or Leave Britney Alone

You-ooh-ooh-ooh-ohh

You may say I’m just a blogger
but I’m not the only one
I bet some day you’ll join us
because it’ll become a mandatory part of life as our society begins to more and more resemble an Orwellian distopian vision of the future as predicted in his book 1984.

The end